The Blue Pill
In approximately 6.5 hours, I will deliberately set off a chain reaction of chemical disruptions in my brain.
For a period of weeks, months, maybe a year or more, I will circumvent my own natural physiological functions with the use of modern pharmaceuticals.
When I awake in the morning, I will take “the blue pill”.
(…why, oh why, am i taking the blue pill…)
It will short-circuit my usual thought processes. Regulate my sleep patterns. Force my facial muscles into unusual contortions. Strangle the ugly voices in my head. Lay comatose all my creative impulses. Reduce me to singing Kelly Clarkson songs in the shower.
It’s for the greater good of all around me, but I still find myself wondering whether it leaves me true to myself, and if I’m doing myself a disservice by falling back on modern medicine instead of toughing it out the way I’ve done for the majority of the last 20+ years.
(…maybe the rabbit hole really *is* the place to be…)
In two weeks… I won’t even care enough to wonder anymore.
The funny thing is: Life’s actually going pretty okay right now. Most of the messes are almost completely sorted out now.
