Go Ahead And Say It, Part 2
Spiteboy had an excellent point in his response to the first half of this. Maybe I’m too caught up in so much negativity lately.
This is probably going to be a bit harder, given my recent mindset, but let’s give the positives a try.
01: I won’t even pretend to understand what motivates you to do some of the things you do (and you know what I am talking about), but I honestly believe you were trying to show me that there WERE people who would treat me better - both the first time and the second time. I just didn’t see it that way at the times. Thank you.02: You, me, and her hanging out like we did was one of the only things that helped me stay nominally sane during those years… and when we quit hanging out, all the phone calls helped maintain that little bit of balance. I sometimes wish we could all get together when I come home again.03: You didn’t have to acknowledge me. You didn’t have to answer me. You didn’t have to listen to me. You chose to do so, anyway, though it must be awkward. That means a lot, with everything that is happening.
04: I know you loved me then. I know you love me now. I’m sorry I couldn’t love you back in the same way, but you were (and still are) one of my favourites. Thank you for being there, and for being here now.
05: It frustrates me sometimes knowing you have just as many neuroses and hidden things as me. Especially when you don’t talk to me about them, and instead do everything to listen to mine. But you are an amazing person and always have been and its part of why I loved you all those years ago, and why I still do and always will, and why I am so comfortable with you - so wake up, recognize it, smell the Folger’s, and get on with sharing a smile with me. If anyone deserves one, it’s you!
06: Regardless of what anyone else may ever say, regardless of how things turned out, we had our moment in time and in that moment we were magic! And nobody can ever take that from either of us.
07: You have done SO MUCH in the space of two years to help me develop my skills, improve my confidence, expand my understanding of basic business, work through demons, and just deal with “stuff”. All while dealing with your own “stuff”, doing your own job, and handling your own life. You’re awesome, and I don’t remember if I have ever told you that.
08: You make me smile in the course of our little interactions. You can’t imagine how special that makes you to me, silly though it may be. (Then again, you have your own problems, and if I make you smile, too, then maybe you can.)
09: I am so happy that you were able to move past him and find someone that treats you the way you should be treated… someone that treats ONLY YOU the way you should be treated. Congratulations!
10: I’ll be the first to admit to a tiny twinge of jealousy, but I am very happy and proud of you for finding this person and having them in your life. It makes me smile to hear you so happy and content, and I hope it stays that way for you.
Hmmm, yes, considerably more difficult to work on the positives. Not because they don’t exist, or any dearth of them, but because I had to dig deep - they didn’t immediately float to the top of my head. Which means I am spending way too much time focusing on the negatives around me at this point in life…I think Ben was the one who told me several months ago that part of why he liked me was that I was always so “positive” - that I always had positive things to say. Ben, I’m going to apologize right now for letting you down by letting this shit get me all over a barrel.I may have to do some more of these later this week. Guess the only question is whether they will be posted online or not.
At any rate, thank you, Spiteboy, for reminding me yet again that life is about more than just the pain we experience.
