Go Ahead And Say It
So this was ganked from Kris’s blog, stemmed from Tally’s blog, which was derived from Petal’s, which was introduced to her by someone else…so on and so forth.
The premise is this: What are the things you would like to say to people but you know you probably never will? Or maybe you never got the chance. 10 things to say to different people. No names mentioned. This can people online or those you face day to day.
So here goes -
01: You don’t know that I use the internet to stalk your location - I check up on you every three months. Because one of these days, I’m finally going to have to have the nerve to call you one last time and tell you what a bastard you are for what you and your father did to me. It may be far and away too late for the law to do anything, but I will eventually have my closure.
02: You were never a perfect parent. You will never be a perfect parent. I honestly don’t believe there is more than maybe an ounce of natural parenting instinct in your body, for whatever reason. These things I can accept, understand, and even forgive. But I cannot accept or understand your continued insistence on playing the martyr, on acting the wounded-but-perfect parent, on continuing to tell lies and half-truths about me to all that you meet. Do you really believe your own words? If so, sadly I must tell you that perfect strangers know me better than you.
03: I loved you more than you will ever know, and sometimes daydreamed about a life with you. That was never going to happen with the way you drank. I miss you now, and am a little sad that your new life is with someone else, but I am glad you finally straightened out your life and found your daughter.
04: I can not forgive myself for the way things ended between us, even if you can or do.
05: You haven’t seen me since that night, and you don’t even know she exists. She is brilliant and beautiful. She asks about you from time to time.
06: Why didn’t you tell me you loved me and wanted a future with me when you had the chance?!?!?!? You knew how I felt! Why did you wait all these years, until it was no longer possible????
07: You can keep telling lies, pretending you know everything, behaving like a sociopath, and chasing after under-aged girls while expecting everyone else to bail you out. Or you can grow up already and become a real man. But until you grow up, our only connection is DNA, and I don’t want to even hear your name.
08: I knew about the magazines with her picture and mine used as bookmarks - I saw them. I know what they were about. You know which ones I’m talking about.
09: You didn’t take my virginity, but I want to thank you for introducing me to the world of sex… and for making sure that I may never be certain whether any aspect of it is normal, healthy, consensual, or truly personal, regardless of my partner or mate.
10: I was actually kind of happy before we met, even if life wasn’t perfect. I was actually kind of sane. I thought you were, too, and it was part of why it felt safe falling in love with you. And then we were together, and you were no longer happy or sane, and I put away almost all of myself in the process of trying to figure out how to help you be happy and sane again. You never even noticed. But you went out of your way to make sure I was just as unhappy as you, until I was finally just as insane as you. And now that you have decided I was no more than trash, it is time to try finding myself again… and I’m not sure that there is even anything left to find anymore…. because you didn’t just break what there was, you shattered it. And you won’t even say you’re sorry.
There are dozens of other things I could say, but I’ll leave it at this for now.
Anyone who wants to do it - you’re tagged.
