Ghost In My Heart
Today is a very special day.
It is my son Jakob’s 7th birthday.
A friend of mine just asked if I was doing anything special for it.
“Missing him. I haven’t seen him since he was three days old.”
He lives in Eclectic, AL, just outside of Montgomery… with a lovely set of parents, an older brother, and a younger sister. They are, to all appearances, the perfect family. He is growing big and strong, and looks just like Husband #1, and they say he is very shy just like me (I guess some things are genetic, after all). He is doing well… better than he would had we kept him.
This is always a rough time of year for me. Not just because it’s his birthday, but because it coincides so closely with Mother’s Day. You would think I would just content myself with the hugs and kisses and macaroni-decorated cards from the three who are with me. To an extent, I do. But I always count the one who isn’t here, and miss him terribly, and wonder about the things we would be doing together and how he plays with his siblings and what kind of smile he has in the afternoon over his pb&j’s.
A few years back, on Mother’s Day, I finally put away the picture I had kept of him on top of the entertainment centre, because I wanted to cry every time I saw it.
He’s 7 today, like I said. In theory, there’s a reasonable chance I’ll see him again in another 11 or so years. But in the meantime, this still exists as yet another ghost in my heart.
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