And Life Goes On…

You do not bear the weight and importance that you did before I left.  My breath no longer depends on whether your eyes are on me.  There’s a whiskey burn, an arthritic ache somewhere slightly left of centre-chest, but I finally feel featherlight once again.

Call It Misogyny If It Makes It Easier

That’s pretty much it. Unless something amazing just miraculously comes along from out of nowhere and blindsides me, I’m done with switchhitting for both teams. I can only guess at male logic and reasoning, but I’m guessing my reasons are similar to those as most men when they decide they are sick and tired of trying to find the right woman.

It’s become increasingly clear to me in recent months that the odds of having my ideal relationship structure are almost nonexistent, and the woman I want most likely exists only as a figment of my overactive imagination. I just don’t have the head and heart to keep trying with a gender that confuses and confounds its own just as much as it does the opposite. I guess maybe that’s one of the few upsides to bisexuality… at least I can fall back on the comfort and affection of my guy, instead of reducing to monasticism out of annoyance and frustration. (That’s right – there’s a flipside to everything; twice the potential for romance, twice the potential for heartache.)

What They Don’t Tell You

Once your diagnosis is determined, they tell you so many things.  What kind of therapy is best.  The right kinds of medication.  How to treat your body.  Stress management techniques and boundary setting skills.  So many things to remember, but most of them common sense.

Protected: Epic Dream / Again And Again

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Protected: Devil’s Advocate Is Out Of His League

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Fripp : Catherine Wheel

There’s a shark shaped fin
In the water of my dreams
An alligator screams from the depths there
I’d swim with you there
I’d swim with you there, yeah yeah

Worth Investigating?

Borderline Personality Disorder Shows Improvements With Intensive Psychotherapy

Let You Down : Trespassers William

Oh love, you’re driving me crazy
And I don’t know what to do
Will I throw this all away
For you

I Wonder…

…what it’s like to be in R.’s shoes right now. To be in his skin, in his brain, watching this entire debacle from his eyes. Sometimes, I try to sit quietly and put myself there. I try to imagine all of this from his perspective.

And all I get is train wreck.

General Anesthesia

They really should slap a warning label on the stuff. Apparently it has some inexplicably “interesting” side-effects on random people on unforeseeable occasions.